Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Pass that paper bag

It's been a strange few days.  Last weekend I suddenly became extremely self-conscious and aware of the stares I get in public due to the gap in between my front teeth, and a Facebook post where I vented my frustration prompted an interesting conversation with a very good friend.

Why am I worried about people staring at me, when I have this blog which is showing my jaw (and journey) for all to see?


I thought that was a very good question because my blog if anything, is quite explicit in the descriptions I give and the photographs I share.  To me, it comes down to control and context.  When I post an update to my blog I am putting my face right out there for all to see.  And while I have no control in who reads the blog, the reactions of people who read it are not displayed to me right away.  If someone is reading my blog, they know I am going through surgery and so for my readers, things are put into context.  This is quite different to what happens in public.

When I am out and about in public, people stare.  They can't help it but they just do.  I have had people stare so much that I turn around and they are still looking.  On one occasion the stares have led to all out laughing which was very obviously directed at me.  The issue is this - they do not know I am having jaw surgery, they do not know this is all part of a larger plan and they do not know that I haven't been in a fight and had my teeth knocked out (because after all, I am quite butch).  Of course I don't blame people for looking because unlike my blog there is no context, however after a while the stares make me uncomfortable.  Of course the laughing to me is another matter and just plain rude, and prompted my Facebook frustration.

So there is a bit of an insight into how I am feeling and why stares in public are very different to someone reading my blog!  It has definitely highlighted my coping (or lack of) mechanisms and this is something I will be working on.  On a more positive note, this situation has prompted me to contact my orthodontist who has said they can put some temporary composite (the same material fillings are made from) across my front teeth which will disguise the gap.  It won't look like a tooth, but I won't have a huge gaping hole either so in the short term I can get back to looking fairly normal.

Now all I need to do is wait until the upper braces are fitted and the gap starts to close...

Saturday, April 13, 2013

SARME Surgery post-op day 33 - mind the gap!

It's been a few weeks since I posted to my blog, because to be honest nothing much has been happening apart from the gap getting bigger and bigger!  I've become quite self conscious (although not  enough to stop me from posting this) because the wider the gap has become, the more you notice the slant in my jaw.  This has led me to covering my mouth a great deal while out in public and I have become quite sensitive, even dare I say, high maintenance.  Of course I always knew that my jaw had grown downwards at a slant - the gap just exaggrates it greatly and I'm looking more and more like Cletus from The Simpsons.  The slant in my jaw will be fixed up though through a combination of the braces and my jaw re-alignment surgery next year.

The exciting news is that I went to see my orthodontist on Monday and they instructed me to stop turning the expander as the upper jaw has now been widened enough.  So that's a total of 25 days expanding twice a day, and I'm quite glad that stage is over.  While expanding never caused me any pain as such, I did feel a lot of pressure on my jaw after each expansion.  As each expansion was only 12 hours apart - the pressure was almost constant all day, every day.

Anyhow they do not call it a rapid maxillary expansion for nothing, and the photo's below show my expansion progress since my last blog post.

Post-op day eight (six days turning the device)

Post-op day twelve (ten days turning the device)

Post-op day 20 (18 days turning the device)

Post-op day 28 (26 days and the turning has stopped!)

In five weeks time I will be getting my lower braces on - I'm quite looking forward to that.  The upper braces will not be able to go on for a further four weeks though as my upper jaw needs time to heal in the new position.  This does mean the gap will remain for at least nine more weeks until the braces can start closing the gap, and the expansion device will need to remain in my mouth for that length of time, but at least things are moving along.  I still have virtually no feeling in my upper jaw or gums, but now the jaw has started healing the feeling should start to come back.  I have been advised though that it could be a number of months for the feeling to fully return.

Eating is still a chore and while I can eat semi-solid food, I still cannot eat anything too chewy or crunchy.  I've been making up for it with the soft foods though and have been eating so much yoghurt that I've put on a couple of kilos!

As a last note, I had a really strange dream last night (which was partly red wine fuelled) where my front teeth fell out and new ones instantly grew in their place.  I think this highlights the anxiety I have been feeling, but I'm still in good spirits.

Over and out.